The Observer’s Advantage
All was quiet yesterday after the excitement of the previous couple of days. The clarity remains high, somatic symptoms have receded, and the vivid dreams continue - part of the ongoing “filing system” work my brain is doing. The neuro-oscillatory frequencies are still oscillating, but I’m holding steady, waiting for the “venting” phase anticipated between Day 120 and 183.
However, the most significant progress yesterday wasn’t physical; it was cognitive. I’ve been digging into Metacognition - the ability to think about your own thinking.
The Two Modes of Thought
Most people practice Reflection, which is retrospective. It happens hours later: “I should have said X,” or journaling about an argument after the adrenaline has faded. That is safe. That is common.
What I am aiming for is Real-Time Metacognition. This is rare. It happens in the thick of the emotion:
“I am feeling X because of Y.”
Naming the trigger mid-argument.
Observing the sensation while it is actively occurring.
For example: “I’m angry because I felt disrespected and I tend to overreact when I’m tired”
The “PFC Lock-Up” Mechanism
I’ve identified why I “lock up” under pressure (like on a comedy stage). It’s an efficiency issue:
The Trigger: I feel nervous.
The Error: I try not to feel nervous.
The Cost: The effort of suppressing the nervousness consumes the Prefrontal Cortex (PFC) bandwidth.
The Lock: With the PFC bandwidth hogged by suppression, the “Manager” shuts down. The system freezes.
Real-time metacognition short-circuits this loop. When I name the feeling - “I am nervous and my PFC is locking under pressure” - I move the state from implicit (it’s happening to me) to explicit (I am observing it).
The “Experiencing Self” may feel the nerves, but the “Observer Self” does not lock up. By simply naming the mechanism, I reclaim the bandwidth. I’m not suppressing the fear; I’m acknowledging it as data.
The Comedy Gig Experiment
This is the “stage version” of what happened during my podcast recording - overheating felt, named, released. No stop. No retake.
My plan for the next comedy gig: When the “flicker” comes at Minute 5, I won’t fight it. I will say to myself - or even out loud, if it fits the bit - “There it is. PFC starting to lock.”
By naming it, I break the spell. The audience gets a meta-commentary, but more importantly, my brain gets the message: “We’re aware. We’re not panicking. We’re just human. Continue.”
I will also have “The Sonic Buffer Protocol”, my guitar, just in case it doesn’t work though, Safety first!
The Override Protocol
Whether I can master this in real-time remains to be seen. Under high pressure, my head usually turns to mush - I overheat, the facts evaporate, and I lose the ability to articulate my position, even when I’m objectively correct.
I know I’m not alone in this; conflict paralysis is a standard human response to confrontation. But if I can train myself to catch the “lock-up” as it’s happening - to divert the signal before the PFC goes offline - I think I’ll have a reliable protocol to add to the Tools Tab. Call it a “PFC Override.”
If it works for the comedy stage, it works for every confrontation in life.
#cannabiswithdrawal #PAWS #neuroplasticity #cognitiverepair #recoveryjourney