The Single Spark of Ignition
Well folks, it happened. It wasn’t for long, but it was there. After weeks of traversing some pretty brutal territory, a single spark fired yesterday. It was unmistakable—the same sensation I felt in December, exactly ten weeks after alcohol cessation: shaky fingers and clammy hands.
This is the surge. It will likely increase until the “native engine” starts to turn over and catch consistently. I expect to be all over the place for the next few days as the dopamine receptors start firing willy-nilly for no apparent reason. I have been extremely low for a number of weeks, and the night before last was exceptionally tough mentally. It was the dying echoes of a life gone by, making a nuisance of themselves one last time before finally being escorted off the premises.
Don’t get me wrong; I am not out of the woods yet. But I am definitely running out of them now, rather than running into them. (How far can a dog run into the woods? Halfway.)
Anhedonia Dreaming
In a few days, Anhedonia will be comfortably in the rear-view mirror, and I will reach a land I haven’t seen properly in 35 years. I won’t say it’s been easy, but with the Scaffold, it was definitely easier; I know I’ve said that before but it’s worth repeating.
The somatic (physical) symptoms are all but gone. Some heavy residue lingers in the mornings as the workmen apply the finishing touches and tidy away their tools, but recovery is swift. Cognitive clarity is now achieved within minutes rather than hours.
Now For the Fun Part… Maybe
What awaits me on the other side is anyone’s guess. There have been creative sparks here and there, and I’m hoping the recovery and the creativity run in tandem. I’m looking forward to getting back to the open mics with my new identity and stage name: “Morgen Muffle.” I am shitting myself just thinking about it, but that’s just the old self remembering how terrifying it was to perform without a safety net. My last gig at 12 weeks alcohol-free was actually pretty good, apart from the PFC (Prefrontal Cortex) overload. I’m hoping the [Sonic Buffer Protocol]—Guitar will take care of that, though for now, that’s just a hypothesis.
We shall soon see.
The march through the wall has ended; I am just sifting through the fallen rubble now.
#cannabiswithdrawaltimeline #anhedonia #PAWS #neuroplasticity #cognitiverepair