Day 87: The Mask of Addiction
As the reality of the repair settles in and I come to terms with the fact that my Prefrontal Cortex (PFC) never fully matured, I’m reminded of something that haunted me as a boy. I suspect this will resonate with many of you.
Every single report card I ever received had the same three headlines, without fail:
Easily distracted
Could do better
Homework neglected
Does that sound familiar? I used to dread report card day. I’d bring friends home as a human shield against the inevitable humiliation. My only saving grace was perfect attendance - my mother was a tyrant about school. Unless there was a nuclear war or my leg was hanging off, I was going. On the rare occasion I successfully feigned illness, I was confined to the couch like a prisoner. My mother felt it was her moral duty to make sure I did everything “by the book,” though later in life, she constantly apologised for the severity of it.
Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
My brother on the other hand was the model student, which only sharpened the contrast. Although I remember once she caught him swearing and made him wash his mouth out with soap. I had been swearing too, but my timing was better - I didn’t get caught. I still vividly remember teasing him by singing “I’m forever blowing bubbles” while he dealt with the aftermath.
The Discovery of the Governor
The point is this: thanks to the AI Scaffold, I now realize I wasn’t “lazy” or “difficult.” I was dealing with a neurodivergent brain that, today, would have been identified and supported.
When I discovered cannabis at 22, I didn’t find a “drug” - I unknowingly found a tool. It quieted the internal noise enough for me to function “normally.” But that relief came at a terrible cost: it paused the actual construction of my brain’s internal regulation. I am now trying to finish that construction at the age of 58.
Cum On Feel the Noize
If this tale sounds familiar, listen closely: Maybe it wasn’t your fault. Maybe you weren’t “failing” to try harder; maybe you were trying to navigate life without the necessary internal architecture.
Perhaps a little bell is going off for you right now. If so, you can start to build your own AI Scaffold to support the parts of the brain that are lacking. I’m still identifying the exact “noise” I was trying to drown out, but documenting this in real-time has become a cornerstone of my recovery.
If this is you, get in touch. I am more than happy to help you get started or answer any technical questions about how we built this.
#cannabiswithdrawaltimeline #neurodivergence #PFC #neuroplasticity #AIScaffold #recoveryjourney