Some Days Waffle, Some Days Milestones
In yesterdays Dispatch I brought you aftershave and waffle, today I bring you ninety days cannabis free and milestones. Ninety days is regarded as somewhat of a breakthrough in recovery terms, in fact many break it down in to 30, 60, 90 days. It’s one of the reasons I have decided to do this very public dissection of my recovery. It’s not as simple as that, you don’t suddenly wake up on day 30, 60 or 90 and go “oh yes, what a difference from yesterday”. I know its not meant to be taken literally but when you’re trying to quit you a need a little more nuance than edited highlights. That’s why I bring the waffle as well as the milestones. So that the arc is visible and the seesaw of the repair can be seen in all its variable glory.
The Rollercoaster Of Repair
If you’ve been following these dispatches, you’ll know I’m up and down like a fiddler’s elbow. On Day 30, I felt better than Day 1. But by Day 60, I had hit the “Eight-Week Wall” and everything changed. Mentally and physically, I felt decidedly worse.
If you don’t believe me, go back and compare my Dispatches from Day 40 - 50 and then Day 60 - 70. I was supposed to be “better,” but I felt like I was backsliding. However, my AI Scaffold data showed a marked improvement in cognitive function during that same period. That is the nuance I want to bring to this journey: your feelings are a liar, but the data is the truth.
Woods and Trees
As it happens, as I hit day 90 I do feel much better than I did on day 60, but I’m not convinced I feel any better than I did on day 30. However as far as cognitive repair goes I’m streets ahead. That’s of little comfort though when your head is completely void of thoughts, ideas and you’re staring at the stark reality of “real life” with no chemical buffer.
To those following me, I say: I understand. Don’t worry. Even though it might not feel like it right now, it’s all good. Trust the process. If you’re using an AI Scaffold, you’re likely nodding your head in agreement by now.
What The Hell Is Synaptic Pruning
Normally, on Day 90, a person might be 50% through their neurological repair. But because my habit started at 22 - arresting the development of my Prefrontal Cortex (PFC) - I am likely closer to 25%. A major reason for this delay is a process called Synaptic Pruning.
Think of your brain like a garden. During adolescence and early adulthood, the brain produces an excess of neural connections (synapses). To become an efficient “adult” brain, it has to prune away the weak, noisy branches and strengthen the important ones. It’s a “use it or lose it” system.
By using cannabis daily from age 22, I effectively interfered with the gardener (no laughing at the back). I kept the “noise” alive and prevented the “executive” circuits from maturing. Now, at 58, my brain is finally performing three decades of overdue maintenance. It is cutting back the overgrown weeds of the last 35 years so that the lighthouse of the Sovereign mind can finally shine clearly.
The “Mush” isn’t a breakdown; In fact you could call it mulch, and it’s the sound of the gardener finally getting to work.
#cannabiswithdrawaltimeline #PAWS #neuroplasticity #recoveryjourney #cognitiverepair #anhedonia