What A Difference A Day Makes
The more eagle eyed among you might have noticed that yesterdays Dispatch was shorter than usual, and there’s a reason for that. You see after I woke up after having been shut down at 9pm on day 100, I was hit with an unbelievable wave of depression. It felt like the whole world had caved in on me.
The weird thing is there was no reason, nothing bad had happened, but I just ceased to function and when I sat down to write the Dispatch for Day 101 there was nothing but negativity.
I didn’t even have the bandwidth to record the day correctly. If you were to read the Dispatch it looks like nothing positive happened and it all looked a bit bleak but that’s not the full story.
I actually woke up on day 100 in incredibly good form with virtually no grogginess, I was clearer than I had been in weeks.
Just One Of Those Days
Unfortunately it just happened to be one of those days where things start going badly from the word go and there’s nothing you can do about it. It maybe starts with a driver pulling out in front of you the minute you leave the house, which slows you down so you miss the lights you seem to get stuck at every bloody day.
That snowballs in to you timing it perfectly to hit the level crossing just as the train is due. By the time the barriers have lifted you’re already running late for clients and when you finally get to where you’re going the car in front pulls into the last available parking space. Which now means you have to circle the town to get back to where you started. Yeap, it was just one of those day and continued in that vain.
So I am correcting the record today with the accurate events of day 100: Started really well and gradually got worse, to top it off my evening was stolen from me by the body deciding it was going to shut down, and that led to an empty head when it was time to sit down and do the Dispatch.
Yesterday, All My Troubles Seemed So Far Away
Yesterday (Day 101) on the other hand started fairly grumpily and slowly got better as the day went on. I got a free run to the clinic, I was very busy with clients and I got a few bits of engagement across most of the project platforms.
I even think I have proof of cognitive repair when it comes to PFC lock up under pressure, but I need to test the theory before I come to a firm conclusion. I’ll revisit this in tomorrows Dispatch as it’s directly related to recording the days podcast. If it holds up I’ll be a very happy man.
This taught me a valuable lesson, I cannot look at any single day in isolation otherwise it can be extremely detrimental to my mental health, which to be fair is still pretty fragile even at 102 days in. This might seem like obvious advice to many but for someone who had the memory of a goldfish up until a few weeks ago its all pretty new.
The Bare Necessities Of Life
I’ve been used to the risk and reward variety of life for decades and whatever happened during the day, there was always the reward. The result was that I would never really look up to see the bigger picture. I didn’t need to, if I could see security for a few weeks ahead or even to the next pay day I was happy.
Now I am forced in to having to look left, right, up, down, backwards and forwards. If any of those directions look dodgy I have nowhere to run, so I have to try and figure out a solution; and trust me it was much easier after a few tinnies and a couple joints (The 4B2J Protocol). Albeit misguided, at least in my head I had solutions to almost anything.
So that’s that, the record is corrected, we march onwards and from now on accept the day for what it is.
#cannabiswithdrawal #PAWS #neuroplasticity #cognitiverepair #recoveryjourney
